We’re Getting Married Now, Those Are the Rules

Apparently, you haven’t lived until you’ve gone on a cruise with me. At least this is the general consensus among our friends after Ashley-Michelle and I returned from the Bahamas. Truth be told, we actually had a low-key time which is what we wanted. The two of us were exhausted and overworked and just needed a break. We really didn’t do anything of note but still managed to have a blast.

We’re the most exciting, boring people you will ever meet.

Anyway, rather than one long review of the trip (which I wrote, and then hated) I figured I’d break it up to some of my favorite highlights of the trip. Who knows, maybe some of these stories will end up in my next book.

THAT’S RIGHT WORLD, I’M ALREADY WORKING ON MY NEXT BOOK!

More on that later.

So, despite the fact that we never once left the boat through our whole trip, we still managed to have an absolute blast. Sometimes you just need to be lazy.

Day 2 of the cruise was a sailing day and it was a bit chilly and a lot of windy. We woke up long enough to get breakfast and then slink back to bed for a while. Both of us work weird hours and are used to being up in the afternoon/evening as opposed to waking up in the morning.

Serious night owls.

We spent the afternoon relaxing before gearing up for the evening’s festivities. It was formal night so we got ourselves glammed up. By we, I mean, I took a nap while Ashley-Michelle got ready and then I threw on some nice clothes and she did my hair since I’m incapable of doing anything other than my normal style.

We opted for “My Time Dining” in the main dining room so we didn’t have a set time for dinner any of the nights. This meant that we had a bit of a wait when we checked in for dinner. This didn’t deter us at all because, as it was formal night, different photo-ops were set up all around the main Centrum.

I will say that one big regret is not buying any of the photos. We actually had some really cute ones but the price tag was a bit much. We did stop to take a look at them and debated a couple of the photo packages but it wasn’t worth it in the long run. We know better for the future that if we’re planning on being that adorable, we should spring for the photo package. We’ll budget better next time.

After dinner we hit the Orpheum Theatre to check out the stage show. It was a tribute to movie musicals that, for the life of me, I can’t remember the name of. We really enjoyed the show save for a few aspects that could be attributed to poor choices on behalf of the show’s director. We’re snobby theatre kids so it’s hard to remain uncritical (but when Seymour in Little Shop sings out ‘suddenly Seymour is standing beside you’ he really shouldn’t be clear on the other side of the stage facing away from his heart’s desire… just sayin).

Next on the late-night agenda was the adults-only game show entitled “Majority Rules.” Basically we all split into teams of two or more people and submitted answers to questions. Instead of there being a correct answer, the answers that fell into the majority were given points. As Ashley-Michelle and I are the most introverted extroverts out there, we failed to really befriend anyone on the ship so we were a duo.

We also inadvertently became the hits of the night. Not because we were winning, not by any stretch of the imagination. Because we were losing in the most glorious way possible.

Once we realized that we were losing we opted to just put down the most ridiculous answers humanly possible. I have here some examples- my phrasing of the questions may be a bit off because I have a terrible memory:

Q.What is the most effective pick-up line? A. You up?
Q. Why are women always late? A. Because of who I am as a person
Q. Most popular break up line? A. It’s not me, it’s you.

We were really just looking to amuse ourselves and get a giggle out of the activities director, Mo, who was running the show (and might just be my new favorite human). I’d say we succeeded. We also were basically now known as the craziest people on the ship.

And we owned it.

We were pretty pooped at this point in the game so we slowly made our way back to the cabin. As we were still decked out for formal night and we didn’t want to pay for the photos (so pricy which I’m still sad about) we opted for a little photoshoot in one of the sitting areas. It was late so not many people were around and the lighting was “on point” as Ashley-Michelle pointed out.

She was first up, so I started taking pictures. Now, say what you want about me, but I am a wonderful Instagram husband so I was working ALL THE ANGLES! And this is where things got weird.

I was moving around to capture everything and at one point, I moved down in front of Ashley-Michelle and got on one knee. This moment was witness by a couple that happened to be walking out of the hallway and the wife started freaking the hell out.

Why?

Let me paint a picture. It’s formal night so we are dressed up fancy, we’re a young-ish man and woman alone on a beautiful cruise ship, and I’m down on one knee holding something up to a seated, beautiful woman.

She thought I was proposing.

She actually started yelling at her husband to get out his phone to take pictures.

Twas. Hilarious.

Here’s what the moment looked like from Ashley-Michelle’s perspective:

I can see the confusion.

Here’s how Ashley-Michelle looked- mostly to show off that she’s better at playing dress-up than I am:

Not one to want to let a stranger down, I put down my phone and took off the ring I was wearing and held it up to Ashley-Michelle.

“Will you drive me home on Friday?” I proposed.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Ashley-Michelle proclaimed.

The couple laughed at us.

I have to admit this was also I lie. I had driven us to the port. I would be driving home. I’m just a heartbreaker, what can I say.

At least we made their night slightly more amusing.

We’re good people.

Here’s my final look for the night:

I have no explanation for my face…