By Hello.
My name is Josh Gunderson and I have an ongoing feud with a barrel.
Reality is, my continued ability to make a fool of myself in public is astonishing and it’s a shock anyone allows me out of the house… granted, I do stupid things at home. Honestly, I don’t understand why I haven’t been put in a padded room, in a bubble, with a lifetime supply of cheese.
I swear I should have been born a hamster.
Side note: I was today years old when I learned that the word hamster doesn’t have a “p” in it. I’m just now learning this. I pronounce it with a ‘p’. Spellcheck has made me feel like a fool.
WHY HASN’T ANYONE BROUGHT ME ANY DAMN CHEESE.
I’ve lost focus.
Anyway, let’s take a journey back in time to the beginning of Halloween Horror Nights this year. It’s always an exciting time because you get to take it all in for the first time in person after feverishly hunting down any scrap of information you can find about the event.
Now, I can’t remember if it was opening night or my next visit that I went into Seeds of Extinction and I’m sure one of my usual compatriots will let me know.
This was one of the houses I was looking forward to because everything I was hearing was putting in on par with Scarecrow from last year which was one of the most stunning houses I had ever seen in terms of set, costumes, the whole nine.
Seeds promised to be brilliant.
I wasn’t won over right away but after multiple visits, I’ve grown to love the brilliance of the house. It is well-crafted and well-executed. The costumes are stunning and blend well with the environment so unless you are really paying attention, you won’t see them coming.
There is something else that apparently I didn’t see coming.
A damn barrel.
Now, I would like to explain what barrel I’m talking about but I clearly don’t know where the damn thing is.
First time through the house: walked into the damn barrel
Second time through the house: walked into the damn barrel
Third time through the house: sauntered into the damn barrel (see how I changed it up there. You’re welcome).
Every time through the damn house I run into that stupid barrel.
Last Thursday when I went through the house with some friends, after explaining my barrel plight, I walked into the stupid thing.
That thing is one my mind constantly when I go through that damn house and I still manage to walk into it, without fail, like a damned idiot.
Surely, your natural thought would be that the barrel is in a bad spot and it should be brought to the attention of the event staff and you would be right if you weren’t wrong.
I am physically incapable of not being an idiot.
Next, you’d probably think that I should lay off the booze because that is likely the problem. You are wrong again. First, while I do drink while at the event, I don’t get drunk or even buzzed. There is often hours between drinks. I try hard not to be an asshole, so hard I forget not to be an idiot. Second, Seeds is usually one of the first houses we hit and I have had 1 drink at best with my “Stay & Scream” dinner.
I will likely end up in the house a few more times before it’s time to say goodbye to HHN for another year and I’d like to say that maybe, just one of those times, I won’t walk into that stupid barrel.
Avoiding Neverland 