Paraskevidekatriaphobia; or, A Commentary Track on Friday the 13th That You Definitely Didn’t Ask For

It’s Friday the 13^th!

This is actually the last Friday the 13^th for 14 months as the next one won’t occur until September 2019. So for those who get super freaked out by the day, you’re safe for a while!

FOR THE RECORD: If Halloween Horror Nights 2019 doesn’t schedule it’s opening night for Friday the 13^th then they have disappointed me worse than I’ve disappointed myself with my terrible life decisions… and that’s saying something!

While I really don’t need an excuse to watch scary movies, I’m certainly celebrating the day with one! I’m currently settled in watching the 2009 reboot of Friday the 13^th. Only appropriate considering the day!

While this particular incarnation of the film didn’t fare well with critics, I’ve actually never seen it before so I’m giving it a go. So far, I’m not overly impressed. I’m a little over 5 minutes in and I’d already like to smack one of the actors.

Here’s hoping Jonathan Sadowski’s character dies soon… he’s currently peeing the in the woods alone.

SPOILER ALERT: He’s dead. I don’t have to suffer through his acting any more.

SPOILER ALERT PART 2: There is no good acting in this movie.

Perhaps it’s because it’s a remake of a cheese slasher film, but I’d like to think maybe they could have put some more effort into it.

It doesn’t help that the last horror movie a watched was A Quiet Place which was PHENOMINAL!

I deeply regret not going to see it in theatres because I feel like the sound design deserves to be appreciated in a quality setting like a theatre.

I feel the same about Hereditary, which Kevin and I went to see recently. If you have a chance to see it in theatres, DO IT! It was a mind-fuck of a movie and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a sound design Academy Award nomination along with a Best Actress for Toni Collette who killed it.

I could very much say the same for Emily Blunt who killed it in A Quiet Place.

Honestly, watch both these movies ASAP.

SPOILER ALERT PART 3: I’m pretty sure Aaaron Yoo is about to bite the dust…

SPOLIER ALERT PART 4: He did.

I’m going to go ahead and agree with Michael Bay who produced the film and actually walked out of a screening of it. There’s too much damn sex in this movie.

Granted, this franchise was never one to shy away from sex. Hell, Mrs. Voorhees original murder spree stemmed from her son’s drowning as a result of neglectful camp counselors who were having sex as opposed to watching him.

Basically, if you have sex, you will die. Just ask anyone in this or any horror movie made in the 80’s. If we see your boobs, you die.

Maybe it’s for the best that this franchise hasn’t seen any new additions since this one in 2009.

Maybe Blumhouse needs to take over.

It’s been just a long since we’ve seen a Halloween movie and we’ve got one coming out this year and I’m actually super pumped about it. They’ve gone ahead an ignored every sequel and reboot and are calling this a direct follow-up to the original film.

I’ve never been a fan of the Halloween films but this is something that I’m 100% behind and I honestly can’t wait to go see it in October.

SPOLIER ALERT PART 5: Everyone’s gonna die. Let’s just assume that. There are just bodies everywhere… sorry Jared Padalecki…

For the record the whole point of this post was lost very early on and I just kept kind of rolling with it… So I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.

That being said, I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday the 13^th! Let me know if you plan on watching any scary movies to celebrate as well!