So I think it’s fait to say that I’ve already gotten bored with the format I was using for my Transformation Tuesday posts. That’s not to say I won’t be doing them anymore, of course I will, but the whole listing things format was getting boring really quick.
Like I mentioned a couple posts ago, most of my big goals for the year are on auto-pilot from this point forward as I’ve gotten a pretty good groove going. I have a system in place and so far it’s working for me. Now it’s working on those little bonus things along the way.
This week has had a subtle theme of rejection going on to it. Well, my whole life has really but let’s keep it simple.
So, ya’ll might remember about a month ago, I wrote a post about giving up on the idea of chasing after love and relationships. I was sick of going through all this work for nothing but heartache and annoyance. You can read all about it here.
Shortly after posting it, I was messaged by a long-time follower on instagram. We had met in passing at a few different events here and there and knew each other but weren’t super close. He mentioned that he had always liked me but never said anything. Inspired by my post, he asked me out.
I figure, why the hell not. I’m actually pretty certain that this is the first time I’ve ever been asked out in my entire life. I’m going for it. We set a date for the next day.
You hear that? Less than 24 hours after giving up on it all, I’ve got a damn date. We make a plan and we’re good to go. I can hardly contain my excitement the entire next day as I’m counting down the hours until it’s time to get ready.
I try to dress nice but casual. My go-to really since I’m not an overly fancy person.
I won’t go into the details of the date but it was very nice. We talked and laughed and HOURS went by but felt only like minutes. We were having a great time. I event kept it very normal which is hard for me since I’m ridiculously weird.
We have a great time. We leave and agree that we will be doing this again very soon. He asks me to message him to let him know I made it home okay. This warms my heart and make me tingle all over. Normally I’m the mama-hen asking for these messages from friends and whatnot. For once, someone is looking out for me.
I message him that I made it home okay and go to bed with a big, stupid smile on my face.
I woke up that Friday morning hoping to find a nice message.
Instead I find nothing. More than nothing I find that I’ve been blocked. He blocked me across all social media. We had been communicating through Instagram so I didn’t think too much about not having a number to text. But he blocked me. Facebook: blocked. Instagram: Blocked.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t crushed. It really messed me up. I won’t say I was heartbroken but it really bothered me. I went to work that night really upset and vented to some co-workers about it. I got the standard lines but in the end we all came to the same agreement: this was him, not me.
Rejection really sucks. It’s taken me a while but I realize that it’s a part of life. I wish it wasn’t but here we are. I also can’t help but wish that at 32 I still wasn’t dealing with rejection on this level…
I’m finding myself in a similar position now, again, despite my better judgment.
I was asked to give a dating app a try by a company that also happened to read my “I’m giving up” blog post. They promise to be the newest evolution in gay dating and something like we’ve never seen before!
It’s not. It’s the same shit.
I did, however, start chatting back and forth with a really nice guy. I actually felt myself getting excited about the idea of going out with him. When we first started chatting, I was starting my work week at the restaurant so getting together at a reasonable hour wasn’t going to happen. I let him know what my days off would be and we agreed to make something work.
In the interest of not having to check an app for messages, I offered up my number. I’m not usually one for handing out my number but I determined that he wasn’t a psycho stalker so I went for it.
And then I was left on read.
I totally feel great about it. I did message him again to see if he still wanted to get together but I’m a giant anxious potato so now I feel like I will never get a response from anyone every again because I’m annoying and they hate me.
Anxiety is the best.
But that’s honestly not the point of all of this. It really isn’t!
So one of my goals for this year has been to work on my writing. I’ve been a bit back and forth with working on my book as I’ve hit another road block. Writer’s block.
I’ve also been feeling really off about the whole thing. I went from feeling confident about the whole thing to feeling as if it has all been a giant waste of time.
The joys of being me.
I decided at the beginning of this year that I really wanted to try and go the tradition route for getting “You’re Doing It Wrong” out there into the world. I wanted a real publisher and everything that comes with that. What that is, I’m not sure, but I want it.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I’ve been writing stories my entire life. I went through and unfortunate teenage poetry phase and then back into stories.
I love writing.
My entire life I’ve wanted to be published!
I accomplished that last year when I wrote and published “Cyberbullying: Perpetrators, Bystanders and Victims” but it didn’t feel the same. Sure, it’s a book and people have bought it and it’s done really well in the last year, but it wasn’t everything I wanted.
I sort of just chucked it out there into the world and let it fend for itself.
I want the real deal.
So in all that wanting, I started submitting my book to literary agents.
Publishers won’t talk to you without an agent so the first thing you need to do is get yourself one of those.
But they don’t want me.
A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, published his own book this year and convinced me to go the traditional method for getting my book published. I was very dead-set on self-publishing but he managed to convince me. This meant getting an agent.
Which means I needed to pimp myself to agents.
But I’m awkward as hell.
As of right now, I have received two rejection emails. From the same agency. The same agency that represents that friend who just published his book.
I feel great.
I have been turned down by 2 of the 8 agents I have submitted to.
While the odds are in my favor this still kind of sucks. Now, both agents were from the same agency so I have a good shot at some others, but it doesn’t help the doubt that I’m feeling in myself. It doesn’t help that the turn-around time on hearing back from most agents is 6-8 weeks.
My attention span can’t deal with that. That’s just enough time for my anxiety and depression to beat the living crap out of me.
I really hope that no one stumbled upon this post in the hopes to find something uplifting because I feel like I’m letting you down.
But here’s the thing. I won’t let this get me down. I know I’m am moving towards great things.
This year has been kicking me in the crotch but I’m not going to let it win. Nope, this is going to be my year.
So, to be honest, I stated this post hours ago and planned on it being a fun lesson-filled post but I’m realizing that I’ve missed the mark by a lot.
Here’s the thing when it comes to rejection: learn from it.
There’s plenty of blogs and otherwise out there that will give you the formula for dealing with rejection but I’ve read them and they’re all bullshit. Sure, you’re going to move past it but it’s going to feel like shit at first and that’s totally fine.
Good ahead and feel like crap about the whole thing but don’t unpack and live there. Take a hard look at the situation and learn from it. There’s a lesson to be found in all of life’s moments, it’s really just a matter of taking the time to find them. When it comes down to it, my entire book, that I’ve spent the last decade writing, has been about this whole idea. Find the lessons from the worst moments in life.
That’s the best advice I could really give in this situation.
When it comes to dating, I don’t know what to say. According to people that are probably smarter than me, we are only really rejected by 1% of the people in our lives. That’s really not that much when you think about it. So why should I let that tiny 1% bother me?
Sure, it’s going to sting and it’s going to suck. Tonight I was supposed to be on a date and he ghosted me. Not cool dude. But I’ll prevail and move on and forget all about him, eventually. Probably after I finish the margarita I’m working on.
When it comes to getting rejected by agents it’s a little different. It’s mostly because I’m sending a piece of my baby along to each one for them to read and they are passing on it. This is filling me with a lot of doubt about the whole thing.
My friends have tried to make me feel better. JK Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers. Dr. Seuss was turned down by 20. Anne Frank’s diary had 20 rejections as well.
But this feels very “He’s Just Not That Into You”. They are the exception and I am the rule.
Maybe I should submit to 13 more agencies to bring me to 21. I’ll be rejected by 20 of them and number 21 will take me. That’s how this all works right?
What I’d really like if agents had to query me. They should be asking to represent me and not the other way around. Right? RIGHT? If only I had an ego that big…
Maybe I do…
Here’s the MEME OF THE WEEK: