My 48-Hour Tinder Relapse

Just like Eminem couldn’t keep himself away from the rap game, I could resist the sweet temptation of swiping myself into a vodka-soaked depression.

Okay. That was a tad dramatic but it makes for a good read!

I absolutely loath the whole concept of online dating. Yes, I have given it all a try. And I mean ALL of it.

OkCupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match.com.

You name it, I’ve probably tried it.

Each attempt has yielded little to no results and have been a decent smack to my self-esteem.

Online dating is a lot like the lottery. You have to play and play and there’s a one in a million chance that you’ll hit the jackpot. Sure, there are smaller prizes along the way but that only gets you so far.

One of the biggest problems that I’ve found is that, regardless of what app or site you choose, people are more often looking for a quick fix rather than anything meaningful.

Been there. Done that.

Over it.

There are just too many risks with hookup culture and I have that silly problem of associating sex with emotions.

What a fool!

So with that all said, I just couldn’t keep myself away from the temptation of some late-night swiping.

In a moment of stupidity I downloaded Tinder on Friday night. I’m not sure what brought the whole thing on but there I was, filling out my bio, setting up some flattering pictures and swiping until the cows came home.

Okay, if I’m being completely honest, there was someone I was hoping to not only find on there, but match up with.

I am a sad human being.

For those wondering, I didn’t see him and therefore didn’t match.

What would have made more sense would have been to send him a message through Facebook and just ask him out. Or ask a friend for his number and ask him out. Or see him in person and ask him out.

HAVE YOU MET ME?

I have done all of this before and been burned so many times, I’m too afraid of the rejection. I’m a wimp, totally admit it.

“But Josh, if you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

My fear of the awkward outweighs my desire to know anything.

I have tried this approach, recently. Didn’t end well.

I mean.

I don’t know.

It’s awkward.

Side note: Both this song and “Take A Chance” have been running through my head since it happened. I have an ABBA problem and I’m not proud. I’m definitely not watching Mamma Mia while I write this.

Don’t judge me.

A big part of the problem is my talent at overthinking things until I have turned it into a ripe pit of anxiety and possible an ulcer.

Back to Tinder.

I set off down the well-known path and did the swiping thing. The matches started up along with the conversations.

Now, my policy is, when a match happens as I swipe, I will go ahead and send you a message. If you match with me later, I’ll give you some time to say something and if you don’t, I will.

I ended up with a handful of matches and went about trying to start a conversation with them. The problem is, all Tinder conversations are the same. Every time. No fail.

I ranted about this the last time I went on a tangent regarding dating.

I did try asking someone out and quickly got the cold shoulder. Another guy just wanted to hook up. One I’m pretty sure was looking for a green card marriage.

The joys of Tinder.

After all that nonsense, this morning, I deleted my account.

Again.

I’d like to say that this the last time I’ll do this to myself but I’m pretty sure I said that the last time I did this to myself.

I really hate it.

Now I need a nap and to cuddle with a cat.

GUINNESS!!!